What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 20.06.2025 02:44
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My family never makes their pension either.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But, we were locked up after school.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Why do Democrats look like snowflakes and Republicans look like Vikings?
I waited trembling.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I will be 64.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Why didn't people like the Game of Thrones ending?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But ive been too sick for many years..
What was something you did naughty with your cousin?
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Atheists who have read the Bible and think that contains immoral things, why do you assume that?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I said to her
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
One cannot live in the past .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
What are the reasons why am I so tired before my period?
(And it was in our own minds.)
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
What is the most ridiculous obviously false verse in the Bible?
We all went to grammer schools
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
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Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was 9 years of age.
I don,t even have a pension.
Why is Russia always right? All eyes toward Russian glory!
I think the readers, may guess!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But it wasn’t much.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He resisted the act ,that day.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I write beautiful poetry .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Ive learnt so much.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I have no regrets .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She married twice! .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I was very sick at this time too.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
What did i know ?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Comes on , in middle age.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
She was in good health!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Would this be the day?
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
All the time i was locked up.
I could never make a relationship work though!
I was scared of men, in general
My life is so biszare .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I never cut or harmed myself..
It was going to be , some day.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And i lived it daily.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She loved him until the end.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
We were not on the streets..
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im still living with it.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
When she asked me how she looked .
Put me off passion for life!!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
So, i spoilt her more .
As i do to all so called friends.?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
This is soul school!.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I couldn’t, believe it.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She wouldn,t have been !
I was seconnd youngest,
Who then, do I blame.?
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
So whats the point in blame.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She found it foreign!.
He knew the spot.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.